the gene for suicide
verse i
laced in the movies
and hot-rod-struck groupies
there's a glimmer of our humanity:
fierce competition, want to be chosen
peer affirmation, the stature of king
life like it should be, invited to parties
smiles from strangers, a clean modern car
smooth skin and soft hair
bright eyes and straight teeth
and the pretty apparel to set us apart
chorus
the view is nice
window shop—can't steal
the lives we rent on the movie reel
verse ii
years as a young one pass in the bright sun
winter is such fun, and days pass like weeks
but as we grow up time starts to speed up
all the years add up to lost memories
childhood swingsets, deep purple sunsets
the chirping of insects
through mid-summer dreams
fade as our hearts die
work suffocates life
and i'm terrified that it's happened to me
chorus
these genes i fight, suicide might kill
but if i can win instead i will
narrative breakdown
i could not believe it
when beth blew her brains out
she drove to corona
got a motel room
put the gun into her mouth
and blew her grief away, away
then danielle orosco hung herself back in
seventh grade, seventh grade
what were they running from
wolves in the wind—the milgwn i guess
hunted down by inescapable feelings of
dread and pain and going insane
segue / bridge
in my ugly cage i lived out each day
the scalpel my key to free me from me
all of those things that i'd chant to myself
to get through each day:
surgeon will fix me, and then i'll be human again
i'll disguise as wine the cyanide
laced in my pedigree
impregnate a queen
if i can't win i won't kill myself
i'll cheat, and replicate me
outro
left alone how far could one go
she died to trade her life for control
chords